Stories by Louis Urbanowski

It’s sitting there, abandoned. 

A quick in and out. Not even a security patrol. 

I’m home before bathtime. 

I almost feel bad taking their money. 

Almost. 

I’ve learnt not to ask why. Too messy, details are for law enforcement. I see myself more as a tool. Yeah, that gets a few laughs. All in the delivery.

I’ve got other tools with me for this job. I saw the files. Best in field across the board. You come to people like us if you’re serious. Top dogs and all that. 

So yeah, I’d be lying if I said the curiosity wasn’t growing. 

Eddie Sanchez for entry, he’s our doorman. Literally got himself inside Area 51, saw some weird shit in there. He must be laughing at this. 

Bella Richards as bagman. Or bagwoman. Whatever, don’t cancel me. She’s the only person to figure out how to rob a Casino in Macau. Those places were just a no-no until Bella said yes-yes. 

Oh and Keff. Terrible nickname, decent man. John Keffler is our muscle. He fought a whole Russian platoon in Ukraine. I don’t know, I wasn’t there. He hits hard okay? 

And then me. Frank. I’m just the guy you bring. The guy that makes sure it all goes well, fixes it when something inevitably surprises you. 

I am continuity. Ensure we pick up the package and get out of there. I do a bit of driving, a bit of shop-floor work. An everyman, a band-aid for any number of boo-boo’s that pop up during our evening. 

I can’t imagine I’ll be busy. It’s dead quiet, another forgotten retail park, another boarded up store. Went bust like half the world when the pandemic strangled the American Dream.

It’s eerie, all the signage is gone too, except that stupid fucking Giraffe. 

Fuck you buddy. 

So the job. Right. We’re looking for something. Easy pick up. 

At the back of the store, on one of the shelves. A spaceship. Some nondescript pile of crap. It’s not the spaceship we want really, it’s something in the box. Again, I don’t really care. It’s nice to know it’s not big, or alive, or radioactive. I’ve had each of those before, and once all three at the same time. Demanded triple pay. Jerks told us it was a cat. Can you believe that?

You know, I did a bit of research by the way. Don’t laugh, gotta maintain standards. Being a professional is all about attitude. So yeah, anyway, I did some research. It’s called Geoffrey – the Giraffe.

Corporate mascot by committee. With his long ass neck and his shit eating grin, looking down at us all as we filed in to pollute the world with more plastics. 

Paper straws are an abomination though, as an aside.

The crew turned up by the way. They’re just sitting in their cars. Whatever pre-match ritual they live by, now’s the time. Keff probably eats metal. He looks like he’s about to burst out the top of his tiny rental. 

I just smoke and talk to myself. I’m not a weirdo. I see Eddie close his eyes, and Bella eats a sandwich. I wonder what’s in it. I’ll eat after, got a nice little spot close to home. Like a waffle house but better. Huevos Rancheros call to me. 

This job pays well. A few more and I’ll be out. If they’re all as easy as this, even better. I don’t much fancy the long intercontinental trips anymore. That thing up at Table Top mountain was a mess, all the way down. Kicking rock rats out my way as I made for the funicular. Don’t worry, I always used to call it a cable car too. I’ve learnt alot during my career. 

So yeah, this store. It went early in 2021, most of the stock liquidated, whatever held value. No one wanted our box, I guess. Or it was still packed up from a delivery when it shuttered. 

There will be no power, pitch black inside. That’s fine, we have lights. Eddie probably has some night vision shit, he seems that sort of operator. 

The plan is to let him breach, and then all four of us slip in. I’ll scout out ahead and Keff will keep an eye on us all. Once we’re done, Bella will confirm the package and get it prepared for delivery. Some specific case it needs to go in. It emits radio waves so she’s got this special little briefcase with her. 

I can see it now, she’s out of the car. So are the others. Time to go I reckon. 

It’s so quiet here. I think I could blast some Beastie Boys through a boombox and we’d be in the clear. The nearest town is a couple of miles away, there’s nothing here. 

Eddie’s fucking with the shutter. He was fine, and then his face changed. Puzzled. 

I asked him what was up. There’s a vibration, a warmth on the shutter. It’s faint, but in his trade he’s learnt that it pays to notice the little things.

I felt something I guess, but we all just shrugged and continued on. Keff offered to rip the door off but we politely declined. What a sweet man. Massive, though. Like if a boulder had a heart of gold. 

Bella’s not too impressed. She’s straight to the point. I respect it, we’re not here to make friends or braid each other’s hair. She doesn’t even have any hair. Striking look. 

Okay we’re in. Wasn’t too much work. The shutters slid up after Eddie made a flick with his cutter. Portable and powerful. Barely made a sound as it chewed through the steel. 

So surprise number one. There is power. The store is lit up. What a joke. They’re probably nickel and diming creditors through endless litigation but they’re wasting god knows how much on keeping dusty old relics like this warm and bright. No wonder they folded, can’t even do the basics right. 

We make our way into the store. Surprise number two is waiting for us. It’s immaculate. The shelves are full, the floors are clean. Even the little fridges that sell drinks on the way out by the checkouts are stocked. I don’t get it. Keff wants a soda. What can I do? I’m not getting in the way of a Mountain and his Dew. 

Bella whips out a little gizmo, it picks up a signal. Fifth aisle, down the bottom she says. Eddie shrugs, Keff chugs, I motion us forward. 

Number Three. Okay this is ridiculous now. Is it motion triggered? Or on a timer? 

The music. The fucking song. Freaked me out when it started up. We’ve made our way down the aisle, the signal pips are getting stronger. Be out of here soon, quite a memorable job in the end. Like a ghost story. The store that never slept! I could write that. 

WHAT THE FUCK!? 

I’ll stop counting now.

There’s a person. No, there are people. Employees. But they’re not moving. They’re just smiling, full uniform. Down one of the far aisles, a bunch of them just dotted around. Like they’re stocking shelves or helping customers. But there’s no one else here. 

Eddie goes up to one. He pokes, prods, waves in their face. Nothing. 

I’ll take a look. Are they mannequins? Yeah probably mannequins. Some funny fucker has arranged them before they left that last time. Yeah that’s it. 

Keff swears one of them was breathing. He got right up close. Said he felt warmth. I told him to just keep an eye in case anyone jumps us. Junkies, homeless whatever, someone could follow us in and fancy their chances.

Bella says she smells something. Like hot plastic. She hasn’t said much at all, and I’d prefer it to go back to that. Hot plastic?  

Right we’ve got it. Tiny little box, shitty little spaceship. Bella’s taking a look. We’ll be out of here in a jiffy. Jiffy? I don’t talk like that. Sorry this place gives me the creeps. 

We’re done. She’s loaded it up. 

What was that?

The tannoy screeched I swear. The PA system. It’s at the front of the store, by the returns desk. Someone did follow us in. I tell Keff to get ready, warm up the arms. 

‘Thanks for coming friends.’ A sing-song voice wafted over the PA system. 

We’re frozen. Listening. 

‘We need to re-launch. Times have been tough.’

Someone’s fucking with us. We make a bee-line for the exit. Straight up the aisle and turn right. Keff will bulldoze us a way through, and we book it. 

‘Kids need edgy. So I thought why not a new line. The Crew. The Top Dogs. Each sold separately.’

The hair on the back of my neck goes up. 

‘Take a look to your right.’

So I do. Boxes. Toy boxes. Four of them. 

Eddie The Doorman

Bella The Bagman

Keff  The Muscle

Frank The Fixer

Footsteps, a figure rounds the corner. Is this some sort of fucking bit. It’s Geoffrey, that Giraffe. Someone in a playsuit. But the playsuit looks wet, stuck onto its body. I feel sick just looking at it.

The voice is humming the song over the PA system. The lyrics start to come back to me.

All of a sudden there is a blinding flash. I close my eyes.

I slowly open them.

I’m in a cell. There’s some sort of perspex screen. I’m tied down. Straps on my wrists and legs. 

We’ve been set up. I’m going to kill them. 

That voice floats across the store again. It’s singing now. The lyrics.

‘There’s a magical place, we’re on our way there

With toys in their millions all under one roof

– it’s called Toys ‘R’ Us!’

By Louis Urbanowski – Inspired by the prompt: ‘Geoffrey the Giraffe’